Tug of War with the Heart
There is nothing more frustrating than a fight with the one you love.
In these moments it’s hard to see the love you share when you are on opposing sides of an understanding.
Is it possible to shift a fight into a gift that can build deeper connections or are the fights destined to kill love and end your relationship?
What is a fight?
When we break it down, it’s two or more people who are on opposite sides of an understanding.
These people are equally invested in their understandings of the dispute and are attached to swaying it in their favor.
In a relationship, the heart is involved, and this can make things more emotional. The fear of abandonment gets triggered causing us to lose sight of being open to neutrality.
We can be so invested in someone understanding our side of the story, we can create a tug of war in our relationships.
It takes all involved to end the resistance and be open to the other perspective.
If one is always meeting the others need to be heard, resentment can form creating a new issue in the relationship or if one walks away from the opportunity, they will force resentment on the other.
In either case, the end is near.
Therefore, it’s essential to have a partner that is willing to sit down with you to clear up the misunderstandings.
If already heated, taking some time apart may be required to defuse the intensity of the stance.
On some occasions, support from an outside source may be needed.
I always say “a fight is just a missed opportunity to getting closer” if you don’t take the time to understand the other person’s feelings or perceptions.
3 steps to end the relationship tug of war
-Stop and listen… Be a compassionate listener
-Let down your guard and see if you can relate to what they are sharing with you.
-Repeat what you hear without judgment or attachment.
There may be a need to go back and reconnect to the issue if this is a repetitive problem or deep-seeded resentment has already rooted in the relationship. Be more patient with each other and remember to reinstate the love and compassion for each other every day.
Many feel as though the fight is the end of a relationship but I see it differently. I see the possibility of a renewed deeper connection, but only if both are willing to set aside the resistance to hearing the other person when tensions are running high.
I cannot stress enough that if both aren’t willing to communicate what they are feeling, the assumption of abandonment will fill in the void and it will be too late.
If you need a break or time to reflect, ask for the time to understand what you’re feeling.
Fighting or disagreements are going to happen and are an essential part of a healthy relationship.
Learning the art of healthy communication and neutral understanding is the best way to navigate these times.
